My time on the Africa Mercy is slowly drawing to a close and all i can think is "AAAHHHH!" I'm so excited to come home. But at the same time here on the ship life is pretty safe. I have a job, a place to live, a mode of transportation and all other things i just don't have to worry about. I have no one to text or call so i don't need a phone. I have a laptop, and internet is provided. I don't worry about paying bills, getting laid off, traffic...everything is just an adventure. Thinking about going home brings up the thoughts of "what if i take the wrong job?" "what if my car breaks down and i can't afford to fix it?" "What if i don't have enough money to pay rent?" "what if...what if...what if..." Tonight I was on Deck 8 praying about all of these questions and thoughts. Not once have I doubted that God will take care of me. Not once. However, the thing that I have learned while being here is that it is really easy to trust in a loving powerful God when you have absolutely nothing. I have no bills to worry about, i have no money to spend, i have no hours to make sure i get at work. At home...it's easy to 'forget to trust' God. I tend to feel that there is always something else i can try (notice the word I?). I always have a back up plan. No money? Call the parents, take out a loan etc. No food? call the parents. It doesn't really cost me anything to trust God. I don't have to sacrifice my plans and my wants. I have nothing to begin with...so i have nothing to lose.
So tonight I was on deck 8 and i realized that coming to Africa wasn't the test of trust...coming home is. Do I trust God enough to take care of me? provide for me? Tell me which job to take? put food on my table? The lesson that i feel i'm learning (and going to learn) is 'what is trust?' and 'how does one trust?'. Part of me reels back at the thought of learning new lessons. It's never easy or comfortable. The other part of me is glad God still has work to do in me, that He doesn't give up on me no matter how stubborn i am.
Another lesson to take away is to see everything as an adventure. You never know what getting stuck in traffic might lead to? Perhaps you see a sign for a store you'd never noticed before, or you see an old friend on the sidewalk and get back in touch with them. Maybe your coffee gets cold and you realize you like it better cold. Instead of complaining or worrying about ANYTHING see it as an adventure. You never know where it will take you!
Hey - Ems - good post - was an interesting comment that going to Africa wasn't so much a trust challenge as coming home will be - or maybe its just going into most anything that is different from where/what we currently are - I have found that I like what I am "used to" - just making changes in life can be a trust challenge. When Dad and I were getting out of the Air Force it was a trust challenge b/c we were accustomed to being "in the air force culture" - leaving that felt scary. We are praying for you!
ReplyDelete